I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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