I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
