He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
