You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
