the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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