In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
