sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
