May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
