my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
