i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
