no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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