hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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