i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
bring money and cleavage
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
