Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
