New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
