Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The beer is more important than you right now.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
