i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
