I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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