wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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