I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
