she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
