So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
