Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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