I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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