don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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