i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
