I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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