They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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