you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
