Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
