I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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