I didn't shave. On purpose
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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