Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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