i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
