no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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