I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
