I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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