i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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