no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Quick, to the slutcave!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
