Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
