Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
