I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
