well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
