yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
