This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
