It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
