Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
