i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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