Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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