I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
