She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
