she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
