the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
