Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
