Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
