how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
