I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
