if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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