I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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