When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
