i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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